Wild Rantings of a Madman

CAPI office and SUCES

2006-08-24T20:16:00.000+10:00

Well, it's been the longest three weeks of my life, recently. Having sprung back onto my feet after illness, I hit the ground running. I've managed to catch up to everything for uni, just, and then added to my jam-packed timetable by nominating myself for election as the SUCES Executive Assistant. That's the job no-one wants, because you are, for lack of a better turn of phrase, everybody's bitch.

Today has been a bitch of a day. We need to be audited by the Clubs and Societies Office every year, and our audit was May 31. I simply took the accounting details from the outgoing president today, who is somewhat weighted down by Thesis and Design, and finished them myself (mostly). Two trips up to the CAPI office later, I had all the documentation I needed to put the audit in. Yes, that's right, nearly 3 months late. And then the woman (or womyn for the anally-retentive womyn's lib people) in the CAPI office had the HIDE to start to tell me off. I changed from a passive to agressive body language stance, and she began apologising. The power of body language rules again!

Meanwhile, we also need to be re-registed. So, for that, I've been collecting pages of stuff, fluffing up membership lists, extracting details from board members, and so forth. It's been a killer, to be honest. And, I hand it all over to find that - low and behold, the constitution isn't signed.

On top of this, I've spent the day organising Bruce Choy Annual Football Cup. For whihc I need insurance. Which I don't have or know how to get. The outgoing exec say to go to the security building. They security building say to go to John's College office. The Chem Eng Admin Manager says to go to the risk management office. The union desk says to go to the ACCESS office. And, after all that, I go to (believe it or not) the CAPI office, who say that I just need to get a form off the website and we're sweet. Grrr...

On a plus side, I managed to, upon sorting all this out, run into two friends, one after the other, and catch up. I was somewhat amazed to find that one friend to whom I had sent my one and only postcard from overseas only got it last week. The postcard had two air mail/priority post stickers stuck on, and it handwritten as well, not to mention 5.10 zl of stamps - that's about AU$2 - and most international post on postcards is AU$1. What happened, I guess we'll never know.

Read This

2006-07-31T22:30:00.000+10:00

If you read nothing else today, read this:
Man In Chicked Suit Cries Foul Over Abuse

National Nowakowski's European Vacation Part 2

2006-07-20T06:51:00.000+10:00

Let's start off with a small rant. Access to the internet has been
damn near IMPOSSIBLE since Cork. All the hotels in Enland and Wales
have WiFi rooms, handy if I had a computer with me. Unfortunately, my
brain in not compatable with it, nor is the pen and paper I have with
me. Alas, tonight (it's still the 19th here, obviously) has been the
first time I've been on, here in some state-of-the-art hotel in the
South of Poland.

Over the last two weeks or so, we've been having an absolute ball of a
time. I've spent most of my time Navagating in the car, as my Mother
has recently developed total blindness to anything written. Ergo, I
have to contend with abysmal out-of-date maps significantly lacking in
detail (and most of the roads have changed since printed). Still,
aside from my father yelling at me once or twice, i've been reasonably
successful.

Interesting things we did in England:
- Visited my great-grandfather's grave. Had to re-attach headstone, as
it had fallen down after some 55 years.
- For the football fans amongs you, my brother, the scouser, dragged
us up to Anfield. Mildly interesting museum, couldn't do tour.
- Went to the Tower of London (Expensive to get into, old, saw some of
the Crown Jewels); Madame Toussade's (Packed with people, VERY
Expensive to get into, Ho-hum); Shakespeare's Globe Theatre (How
cultural! Kinda interesting and Cheap); and Greenwich.
- Went to Clovelly (for which the suburb in Sydney is named). And you
think you've seen steep. Old.
- Masses and Masses of driving through England/Wales

We are now in Poland, obviously. Came over on the 15th. You know when
you go to your Grandparent's house (or maybe you don't) and it's
almost exactly the same year after year? To the extent you always use
the same crocary? That's what it feels like for me in Poland at the
moment. Sure, since joining the EU there have been movements towards
improving the roads, and these days you can get milk EVERY day of the
week, but it's the same as far back as I can remember.

We've been staying with my widowed Great-Aunt, and her two spinster
daughters, in Lodz. It's the equivalent of staying at Broadway, were
Sydney to be Lodz. However, imagine in Broadway were to be the
equivalent of Camden. I'm talking farm-side Camden. This is the land
where every room is a sitting-room (I'm still sleeping on bloody
Futons, this time it's lumpy as well as hard).

Though, it hasn't all been bad. My teetotalling days are finished, so
i've been enjoying the local brews. I got ashamadly tipsy off three
beers the other night, so I must be a touch out of practice. My
cousin's husband has also invited me out to go clubbing on Saturday
(which my parents aren't too keen on, but I'm leaping at the
opportunity). I, unfortunately, can't comment on the night-lives of
either Dublin (we were staying 4 MILES out of town, and I had no money
for a Taxi) or London. So, the rampaging nightlife that Lodz will
provide should atleast provide a touch of a laugh.

With any luck, I'll manage to find another internet connection before
we hit Hong Kong next Thursday. The real bonus has been that both
times i've got net access, i've needed to declare my (nil) earnings to
Centrelink, so I've been being paid to be sick and on holidays :P.

National Nowakowski's European Vacation Part 1

2006-07-06T06:18:00.000+10:00

Here I am in another Travelodge in Cork, Southern Ireland, some 4 days
into our trip and unimaginably bored. It might be the glanular fever
talking, but this holiday has been a big drain on me, and i'm finding
it more annoying than anything, Still, I can't complain too much.

The weather has been mild by many standards. They declared a Heatwave
alert the other day when it hit a massive 29deg. I'm still traipsing
around in jeans, albiet with my Havaianas.

The trip has otherwise been mediocre. Done the usual touristy things,
I kissed the Blarney Stone today, and we wandered around the Waterford
Crystal shop earlier. I'm looking forward to hitting Dublin on the day
after tomorrow, when I might be able to get out for a while.

The accommodation has been cheap, and my sleep has matched and
bettered it. The four-person rooms have left me sleeping on the
equivalent of a hard sofa.

My one saving grace has been my iPod, now some 300 songs in to the 921
sonf playlist and going strong. I have also been called on to
navigate, interesting when the map you have is the equivalent of a
children's atlas map.

I'm trying to adopt a more positive outlook for the next few days.
I've got a morally uplifting book to bide my time (The Life Of Pi),
and my iPod, and tomorrow, we're off to "The Prettiest Village in
Ireland" (Adare). It should be fun!

Mysterious Maladies and Otherwise

2006-06-30T16:07:00.000+10:00

So, two weeks ago, my neck swells up like i've swallowed a tennis ball. Only, I can't swallow for the pain. Diagnosis 1: Pharyngitis.
Four days later, i've lost my voice and my energy. Diagnosis 2: Lymphadenitis (and blood test).
Three days later, feeling better but tired. Diagnosis 3: Glandular Fever.

Needless to say, I've been off my feet for the last two weeks. Feeling exhuasted. A brief trip to the shops for coffee on Wednesday this week (out of the house for 1 hr) was enough to send me for two hours sleep.

On the other hand, it's mean I haven't sat the current university exams at this time, which is both good and bad. Good, in that it's meant I haven't had to study for the time being. Bad, in that I'll just have to study when the exams roll around next semester.

Talking about next semester, I'll be missing the first week of it due to a four-week torture camp I am attending. No, I'm not suddenly going off to learn about BDSM whilst living in a tent - I'm off to Europe with my parents and younger brother. Oh, joy of joys. I should be more excited, I know, were it not for previous experience.

My main downer is this: It is illegal to drink until you are 18 in most of the world, except the US where it's 21 (and a few other places which differ). I have only visited these countries whilst I was under 18 and, due to a highly law-abiding family, have not had a drink overseas. Between my 18th birthday and now, we have been overseas twice, both times to the US (Hawai'i). Both times, I can't drink or go out to a club. I'm now FINALLY going to be legally able to drink overseas. Were it not for the fact that my current liver function is so elevated the alcohol content of a cherry ripe could send me into liver failure. Which means no drinking. Again. WHO HATES ME AND WHY?

I guess there's always the plane flight to look forward to. Squashy seats, not enough leg room, my brother sitting next to me for just shy of a day, no internet access, just me and a sad and pathetic collection of films which Our national carrier and its partner in crime are showing this month. Films like Basic Instinct 2, Pink Panther (The Steve Martin remake, blergh), and Ice Age 2: The Meltdown.

Coming back, there's the pleasures of V For Vendetta and Keeping Mum again, along with such oddities as Ten Canoes and Three Burials.

Talking of films, my brother had two free tickets to the movies which expire tomorrow, so we went and saw Superman Returns. Despite all the bad press and questions about whether Superman is gay, it was quite an enjoyable film. Hey, it's no Citizen Kane, but it was reasonably enjoyable, and certainly better than Superman 3 and 4. Would I have paid money to have gone and seen it? Probably. It was better than some of the other crap i've seen this year. Go, see, and enjoy.

I'll post again from Dublin sometime late next week. Until then, ciao.

Remakes, blargh

2006-06-08T23:10:00.000+10:00

I went and saw the remake of "The Omen" yesterday. All I can be glad to say is that I didn't have to pay for the ticket.

What is the point, people, what is the point? The original movie may or may not have been good (I've not seen the original or the sequels), but does that give a person right to remake it.

Then there's the new "Posiden" film. The original, stellar. Now, Why?

This year, in fact, this time in general, is the questionable time in films. I've seen a mere 15 films at the cinema this year. Three and a half have been remakes ("War of the Worlds", [as in, any old war] notedly distinct from "The War of the Worlds" [the war to end all wars] and taken from the radio show). Six have been literary sources. Four have been sequels. And, all in all, I could have done without seeing 12 of them.

My favourite film for the year is still "V for Vendetta". But, it has nothing on such classic films as "Dr Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" or "Donnie Darko" or "Ferris Buller's Day Off" or even "Young Frankenstein".

Oh, and I hear that they're making a film version of "Get Smart". All I can say is Fuck. Don Adams would have rolled over so much in his grave, he'd've ground out the bottom.

Why I Hate Clearance

2006-06-03T23:51:00.000+10:00

Good morning Madam. No, we don't have that in another size. No, we don't have that in another colour. No, all we have left in on the floor. No, I can't call another store. No, I can't check in the computers. Madam, this item has been in this store for longer than I have, we don't have any more.

No, it's not on special. The sign says 'selected items, priced as marked' and this is neither marked down, or scanning at a reduced price, therefore it is not reduced. If you would care to re-read the sign, you will see it does quite clearly state selected. No, this item is not selected. It is not reduced at all. I can't give it to you on special because it was on the wrong rack. This item is not on special, and I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about it.

Yes, I can see that you are buying a number of items there, Sir, but there is no discount for multiple purchases or purchases with cash. I can assure you, Sir, my manager will agree. Sir, the item has already been marked down from $150 to $34, you will not get any further discount. Sir, that mark will come out with a light wash, use some Preen on it. I will ask my supervisor, but she will agree with me, you will not get any more off this item. Sir, this is my supervisor. She agrees with me that, as it has already been dramatically reduced, you will not get any further discount for this light mark.

Let me just double-check that price for you. No, I'm afraid that jacket, originally $199.95, now $3.95, has been mispriced. I have consulted with my supervisor, and she has withdrawn the item from sale, to be returned to the manufacturer and re-priced. I'm sorry, I can't sell you this item. No, I can't just mark it down. No, I can't sell it to you for $3.95. If you want this jacket, I can sell it to you for the price it scans at, but I am supposed to return the item to the manufacturer to be re-priced. No, I can't mark it down to $3.95. No, I can't sell it to you for that price. Let me get my supervisor. My supervisor, here, states that the item is withdrawn from sale, and I cannot sell it to you for $3.95. If you want the jacket, I can sell it to you for the price it scans at. No, that price is not $3.95. No, I cannot mark it down to $3.95.

Oh, what a month

2006-06-02T21:49:00.000+10:00

Well, May has been a long month. A complete cycle of ups and downs. I've got both ahead and behind in my uni work, my dread of the upcoming holidays has grown, and life has, otherwise, just generally been the bane of my life. But at least I have some semblance of good health, right?

Anyways, rather than prattle on for ages about the lack of anything i want in my life, i'll let you imagine how dull my life is otherwise.

Before i do the usual 'i promise to write more', i'll just add in that my mother had a minor 'dingle' tonight in her car, which she was at fault for. 29yrs of driving, never had an accident, the whole kit and caboodle. So, as my car is registered under her name, I have just seen my insurance go up, as well as hers. Unless AAMI are going to be really nice to me and say that she has her no claim bonus for life still. Mind you, they always put little clauses in, and there is still the green slip to consider...

Mission Impossible: Make Tom Cruise less of a sucky actor

2006-05-10T12:06:00.000+10:00

I went this very evening to see the latest Tom Cruise flick to spew forth onto the screens of your local multiplex: mi3 - still alive and kicking.

J.J.Abrams was brought on board this time, and didn't the whole film just seem like an extended plot from Alias? Now, I am a huge fan of the show, even with its obscure divergances into Ramboldi. Abrams can also write fantastic female leads, as was also shown in the strength of Felicity over all those years ago. However, even his strength in the genre could not make this film perfect. He was able to transfer what was a straightforward plot into quite a gripping 2hrs of my life. If only Jennefer Garner was playing the lead role, this would possible be a better film. If nothing else, the guys can stare at her boobs for the whole film, and the women can acknowledge how she is overcoming all the stereotypical female roles. And that leaves the gay men to appreciate the plot.

The thing you will always know about a Tom Cruise film, tho, is that people will continually trundle out to see the latest offering. War Of The Worlds was no Citizen Kane. Minority Report lacked the craftsmanship of Dr Strangelove. And need I mention mi2? The truth of the matter is that this man makes films that the public will continue to see and the critics will continue to pan. End of Story.

Whilst he didn't murder this role as he has in the past, it was too, um, positive. At the end, good guys dead was 1. That's right, 1. As this is not J.J.Abram's usual style (he kills JG's fiance in the first episode of Alias, and continues to kill of "good guys" throughout, and most of us know what Lost is like), I can only assume it's Tom's influence that stopped the carnage. It was annoying for me, however, as I'm there predicting who will die AND THEY DIDN'T! I can pick a killed-off character from 300 paces. Damn you Tom!

On top of all that, towards the end, Tom's film wife (a trained nurse, rather than Katie Holmes, a trained chimp) raising a gun and killing two characters with absolute precision. The absolute corneiest moment ever, though, is when the happy couple walk out of IMA/IMC/I M P.../whatever, in slow motion, with the people in the background cheering, just before the credits roll.

So, where is this roundabout review leading? Well, essentially, this was not a good or bad film. It was more action than spy, but there were lots of explosions and cool gadgets to keep most people who need all the plot depth of a puddle interested. There were suspenseful moments, and I was overall happy with many of the techniques used (the roughness of the cinema veritae for the dramatic moments, the precision of the camera when we are all focused on the action) and Abrams, overall, did a pretty decent job on it. If the lead man were someone different, this film might be one of my favourites, but he isn't, and so it isn't. 3/5

George Orwell would roll over in his grave...

2006-04-28T23:32:00.000+10:00

People, seriously, Big Brother? Can anyone say "Get a life"? Are our lives so trivial we have to see what people do when they know what they are doing will be watched by 1 million or more people a night?

I was at dinner tonight with some people for work, and I actually stopped the entire table's conversation at one point because we had been discussing Big Brother for 30 min.

If we want a true Big Brother experience, let's remove the sex and sexuality, their wants and desires, the matching breast implants, and turn them into drones who accept everything they are told, doing it precisely. They never question Big Brother. And, when they become dissenters, take them off and torture them until they become "functional members of society" again.

This show is only shocking in theory. Nothing shocking ever happens. We, as viewers, are but voyuers into 16 lives. And, as we realise how their lives are just as boring as our own, we tune out, but continue to tune in.

In conclusion, I put this to you. Those 16 people are not controlled by Big Brother. The decreasing prize money is demonstration enough of that. No, rather, we are controlled by Big Brother. Watching people do ordinary, everyday, things is not something we should enjoy watching, no matter how much of a voyuer we are. And, yet, we do. And so, they have won.

Oh, and, if I don't write again, I'm off being "taught" that 2+2=5. Why? Because Big Brother says so.

AARRGHH! OMG! AARRGHH!

2006-04-21T17:16:00.000+10:00

Hi John,

Come and meet Russell Crowe and his band The Ordinary Fear of God this Saturday.

Where: Sanity Store at Bankstown Centro (North Terrace)
When: This Saturday 22nd April
Time: Performance at 1pm 1:30pm, available for signing autographs afterwards

Exclusive Offer For All EZYDVD Pulse members: Sanity is offering 10% off all their TOP TEN CD & DVD titles, just for Pulse members such as Mr & Mrs Smith on DVD or James Blunt; Back to Bedlam album.

CLICK HERE to find out which other titles these include.

Keep that Pulse Racing,

Michelle & Sylvia
The Pulse Team

This just arrived in my inbox. Scary Thought: I work in a store RIGHT NEXT to Sanity. Thankfully, I finish at 1pm, so I should be able to excape having to listen to it. On the plus side, there should be plenty of parking as people avoid the shops to avoid him like the plague. On the downside, as they avoid him, they will similarly avoid me, and it shall be a long 4 hr shift. Oh well, I get paid to stand there and play some decent music (Kylie, Garbage, Madonna) at a non-existant shopping crowd. I'll just be on the lookout for flying phones.

News from the front

2006-04-20T00:57:00.000+10:00

Taking a well-deserved break from the many splendors of Simulink, I can inform you, faithful readers, that nothing has happened to me during the last 24hrs, due to aforementioned Simulink.

Am I a tragic, consumed by a programme?

If I am, why can't it be something more fun? Like a game, and not for uni work?

Meanwhile, I saw Ice Age 2 yesterday. Not my movie choice, I was with a group who were all DYING to see it. Giving my stock-standard review of films of this calibre, I found it plotless and derivative, with little empathy. Although, I do love Scrat. You see just enough of him to like him, but please, don't make an entire feature on him, whichever studio you are! You will destroy this cute, loveable character.

Moving further back in time (cue Kylie: Step Back In Time "Non-stop dancing the bus stop to the funky music...") to the Easter weekend, I had an interesting lunch on Sunday. For an expected 20 guests, the 47 that arrived was a slightly overwhelming number. Being the only person there of my age (ie, under 25, over 16) bar two drippy girls and a drippy boy (I'll come back to two of them later), and wanting to avoid the flocks of elderly, I found myself playing the waiter, as I have become accustomed to in many of these events. The upside: when I was handing out assorted shots, I got to have whatever other people didn't want. In ten minutes, I'd had four cowboys, a QF, two peach schnaps, and a Wisnowka (Polish Cherry Vodka). Yay for no-drinkers!

And, so, now begins a short stint into birthday land. In the next two weeks, I am attending a 20th, and two 21sts, where one is a joint party, making it four birthdays in two weeks. Funny/Ironic thing: I only know one of the birthday people. The 20th, I've met the girl twice (Happy Birthday DJ), one 21st is my uni compatriate of columbian extraction, and the other two are the cousin/sister of my cousin's wife. I know these two *REALLY* well (drippy guy and girl from aforementioned Easter celebration). These will soon be followed by my cousin's 27th (sister of other cousin) and my Grandfather's 93rd. Ah, if only he knew who he was...

And so this is Easter...

2006-04-15T16:56:00.000+10:00

Welcome, everyone, to the festival of life and fertility (read: the season of you-know-what).

For the uneducated among you, and believe me you exist - I had a uni collegue ask me this on Thursday, Easter Sunday is the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Autumn Equinox (March 21, the true start of Autumn all you heathens who say it begins on March 1). Originally a pagan holiday to celebrate the coming of Spring, it is meant to be a time of joyous celebration. Many religions have festivals at this time, such as Passover, Buddah's Birthday, and the death and resurrection of some dude (sounds like something out of Alien, no?). I think he's a bit famous. Very old book written about him, his coming, and his afterlife and relaying instructions to some D-people (Patricia Arquette is older than she seems, apparently, as are the Brown-coats), before a bunch of other people decided to publish their letters, and we finish of with "And I woke up and it was all a dream" (Yes, that's right, Revelations is a dream-sequence).

I, as the Athiest practicing Catholicism (very confusing, essentially haven't told uber Roman Catholic parents), have been set to spend hour after hour hearing about aforementioned mildly famous dude (AMFD). Tonight's the big one, two-and-a-half hours of everything from intelligent design (the opening of Genesis, God's creation of man) through to the interlude of AMFD's death and rising. After the suggestion of a friend last year, every mass I have attended since has only lead to me repeatedly thinking one thing: A four letter word begining with F and rhyming with Duck. It makes for an interesting time as I try not to roll about laughing.

Noted Inaccuracy: AMFD supposedly spent three days in a Hell (I'm thinking of a major retail chain not currently being bought to whom I render my services), yet he died on Friday at 3pm and rose on Saturday night (about 6pm when they shut the doors and turn the lights off). Which is about 29hrs. Which is not three days. So there.

So, faithful readers, whether you believe in AMFD, Buddah, or any god(s), or no god, I wish you a Happy Easter. Just remember that the reason we celebrate at this time is because the Northern Hemisphere is entering Spring, and they wanted another reason for a piss-up down the pub and lots and lots of, oh, you know. "Cuddling".

What was lost is found

2006-04-12T19:30:00.000+10:00

It would appear that Nameless Incompetent Lecturer managed to, somehow, get the tutorials mixed into the Wednesday group's. Which amazes me, as I collected the tutorials from the same room I was tutoring in some 5 minutes after the tute finished, on the Monday.

Nonetheless, crisis averted. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with the entity now until May 1, at which time those naughty fourth-years who made the computer screens go funny (hey, I laughed at the upside-down screens, and those tinted in Cyan and Magenta) shall also be helping me. Considering that I could run that session by myself with my eyes closed, it should prove to be interesting.

On other notes, the Family Guy Season 4 DVD which was due to come out today has been delayed until May 31st. Grumble. Although, it will provide nice distraction when it comes around.

Blinking Lights and Other Revelations

2006-04-12T01:39:00.000+10:00

(With apologies to the Eels)

In this the first of a revitalised blog from yours truly, I'm going to do a little recapping.

First, Uni is fast approaching hell-status, so don't expect this to be overly regular. Then again, it is nice distraction from that assignment I don't want to do...

Second, and to the courses which consume my time. Control makes the bulk of it this semester, and I am loving it. Almost unnatural. But, this is why I love Chemical Engineering, and something I definitely want to get into in the future. Advanced starts tomorrow, and I am looking forward to that too. I've been loving tutoring, and had always maintained that, were corperal punishment still in place, would have loved to have been a teacher. This modern teaching environment of no-failing, no-punishment, let-the-kids-run-wild-it-improves-their-learning, not to mention this Representation Task complete and total bullshit and the mythical ADHD would not see me last out the year.

Now, to some comments on nicer things.
I saw a few DVDs these last few weeks, most notibly My Own Private Idaho. Based around one of the plots from Shakespeare's King Henry IV (Parts 1 and 2), it was a very interesting film. Not recommended for all, though, as it was primarily about the life of a Narcoleptic Gay Male Prostitute on a quest to find his mother, amongst other things. Touching I think is the word best to describe it. Not the sort of thing to pop on on a rainy day, this is quiet heavy at times. River Pheonix shines in his role. Keanu Reaves, well, as I see more of him it becomes more apparent that he has all the acting skills of an envelope.

Film-wise, V for Vendetta gets the patented John Tick Of Approval. A fantastic film, highly appropriate for the modern world. I could go on for hours about this one. I've even had an arguement with a friend over it. But, he didn't know who Margaret Thatcher was (original basis of totalitarian leader in the comics), so he's hardly an authority on the subject. Five. Read Empire Magazine for a good overview of the film. The April Edition. Which is no longer available on shelves :P.

And that's about it for the moment. And I managed to avoid insulting Nameless Incompetent Lecturer. I'll save that one for next time. Maybe the entity can tell me what has happened to 5 of the tutorials between being handed in for marking and me collecting them. The students want their marks. If you know anything, call Tutorial-Disappearance-Stoppers on 1800-ha-ha-ha (1800 424 242).

The End Was Nigh

2006-04-11T23:26:00.000+10:00

I saw this picture the other day and thought it particularly fitting. It has occured to me as to the futility and pointlessness of blogging and I, therefore, intend now to pick it up again after letting it lag behind for the last month and a half. [My apologies, though, I have forgotten the web address from where the picture was spawned. There is a small copyright symbol, tho, so I have left that in place.]

Movie Catchup

2006-02-23T23:27:00.000+11:00

I've been spending a good deal of time in large dark rooms these past few weeks, so i thought i'd throw in some of my sentiments on the various pieces. Just because i can.

Casanova: Lasse Halstrom is one of my favourite directors, even after being forced to study on of his films (What's Eating Gilbert Grape). His script was suitably witty, his choice of actually filming in Venice meant there was some realism in the setting, and the vast majority of his cast were superb. Lina Olin, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Miller, all did really well in their roles, giving them the life they deserved. The film had two negatives from me, though. First, Heath Ledger. Who told him he could act? I've managed to see all three of his films this summer (not intentionally), and he's murdered one role and been mediocre in the other two. Though Brokeback Mountain (See below) was also a superb film, I certainly don't think he deserves an Oscar for it. The other negative was that the film had this lovely happy ending, where everyone comes out for the better, Jeremy Irons's character is made a fool of, and they lived on happily. Damned happy endings. Does anything in life ever come out all perfect for everyone? No. Ontop of all of that, i find them more depressing than the end of, say, Othello, Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet, or Hamlet, where everyone ends up lying dead in a large pile in the middle of the floor. So there. Four out of Five.

Keeping Mum: Ah, good old British humour. Nothing quite like it. This film falls in line with other classics like The Full Monty, in that they aren't the greatest film of the year, but they're a good quality watch, with some decent laughs. Rowan Atkinson, Maggie Smith and Kirstin Scott Thomas lead a very typical British cast (including that old woman from The Vicar of Dibley who made odd cakes and sandwiches) through some usual family situations, with a bit of twisted humour thrown in for good measure. It was no Gosford Park, but it wasn't a waste of money. Three and a half

Brokeback Mountain: Ah, the controversy. No, i'm not talking about the gay cowboys, i'm talking about the old man whose seat was occupied when he got to it, so he sat down near the end of the cinema i was at and he had, quite apparently, not showered for the last five weeks. This was only, thankfully, until he accosted the first usher he saw and got moved to somewhere else which wasn't in smelling distance thankfully. The biggest laugh was when he said 'this is all your fault' to the occupant of the seat, and someone called out 'Oh, shut up you stupid man, sit down and watch the fucking film'. The film itself was not quite as funny as all that. Kinda depressing, actually. Jake Gyllenhaal was superb - oh, those eyes! Heath was mediocre, and it's possibly just as well his role didn't have many spoken lines (though his faux accent was impecable. How about staying there, mate?) And, well, his wife (both on screen and in life, some Michele person or something like that) was but a blip on the radar. She made little impression on me. My thoughts? Give the Oscar to Ang, the film was beautifully shot and directed. Give the Oscar to Jake, simply for being so damn hot. Don't give Heath or whats-her-face an Oscar, they weren't fantastic in their roles. And that has nothing to do with my dislike of the pair. Four and a half.

King Kong: The Epic that followed the epic to end all epics, Kong was epic in many respects. Epic in length. Epic in budget. Epic in cast (follow me here...). Did i mention Epic in length? Good god Peter, three hours may have been good for Scarlet O'Hara, but it was a damn sight too long for you. Scenes that took twenty minutes (read the dinosaur fight) could have easily acheived the same effect in five. Scenes that were over in moments (read kong falling off the building) could have been dragged out for another few precious seconds to just get us to 'on the floor thrashing about with tears'. The cast was well chosen, and Jack Black's obsession with the film, to me, seems to echo an awful lot of Mr Jackson and his excessive CGI. The whole thing falls apart, tho, when combining CGI and life, and not quite finishing it properly. As Ms Watts is thrashed about as she is carried by Kong, it was overly apparent that it was done by blue screen. Overall, the film was one to be watched once, but not something i'd both with again any time soon. Three.

Date Movie (or Date Movies, as Greater Union is calling it for some reason): Crude, Crude, Crude. But, reasonably funny. For those who have seen Scary Movies 1-3 (with 4 out April 14), think along the same lines, but with romantic films. As many of them as possible. When Harry Met Sally's faked orgasm scene. My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding's cafe. My Best Friend's Wedding's dinnertime song, and impossibly beautiful best friend (Sophie Monk) [yes, I remember, the impossibly beautiful one in MBFW was the fiance (Cameron Diaz), but details, people, mere details]. Plus a little of Meet the Parents, Meet The Fockers, Mr and Mrs Smith (just the councillor scene, not the enormous shoot-out), The Wedding Crashers, Hitch, 40-Year-Old Virgin, and even The Lord Of The Rings and Napoleon Dynamite. As is typical of these parody films now, the jokes go on for way too long, but when they're not dragging out, they are quite enjoyable. Light fun for a rainy day. Three and a half.

Blazing Disappointment

2006-02-10T00:01:00.000+11:00

Over time, you hear of all of Mel Brook's films. I'm a huge fan. Young Frankenstein is easily his best work.

However, the film which keeps popping up is Blazing Saddles. "many call it his best" calls the back of the DVD box. All I can say is, I'm glad I only paid $1.10 to hire it. What a waste of celluloid. Arguably his worst, the film seemed very slap-dash. It lacked the finess of Young Frankenstein, the class of High Anxiety, or even the in-your-face humour of Robin Hood: Men In Tights and The Producers.

Let's just say, I never liked Westerns anyway. Cleavon Little is not a great actor and Gene Wilder is lost as Waco Kid. The only shining star is Madeline Khan, who's Marlene Dietrich is a shining performance. But, then again, Madeline Khan could act as a paper bag and still deserve and Oscar.

Don't waste you time and efforts watching this film.

CityRail - for your convinience

2006-02-08T23:46:00.000+11:00

We've all experienced CityRail. The late running trains, the dirty seats, the unco-operative station staff. Well, here is their latest attempt to run on time. Its so far proving 100% efficient. Next week, they're going to try for having one train a day run from Central to Redfern.

Ulla write for you now

2006-02-04T00:36:00.000+11:00

I went with a friend and saw The Producers last night. Now, be warned, this film is a typical Mel Brooks film, and most critics are not Mel Brooks fans. Ergo, you will be unlikely to read another good review of this film.

For those of you who've seen the original film with Gene Wilder, shhhh, I haven't seen it. Thus, no comparison on the film-based-on-a-musical-based-on-a-film shall be made.

Nonetheless, Brooks shines throughout the script, with Nathan Lane a brilliant Bialystock. Scenes not to miss: The hiring of the (obviously gay) Director, and the show itself. Obvious lines can be drawn between it and To Be Or Not To Be, another brilliant Brooks production, where comments are made about the Nazi party and Hitler ("hail myself").

As a side comment, and a little bit of trivia, the role of Ulla in this film is played by Uma Thurman, and by god is she brilliant at it. However, the role was originally cast for one of the worst actresses in the modern cinema, Nicole Kidman. She fought and bribed and slept around with everyone from the producer to the floor sweeper (I think that's how Hollywood works). Then, she got the offer to do Eucalyptus, and she chucked it all in to come home to star with Our Russ in the biggest Australian film not made in 2005. Uma got the role, and I just ask of you, can you see Our Nicole doing the Ulla dance? I think not.

Fake Tales From Sydney

2006-02-02T11:03:00.000+11:00

One of the most promising bands is soon to be releasing there debut album, and I'm still undecided how much I like them. For those of you who have heard of Arctic Monkeys, or their debut single "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor", their release dates, respectively, are 20.2.06 and 13.2.06. Are they going to be the biggest thing in 2006? Is the album worthy of NME's 6th best album ever rating (something I am unable to verify at the moment, but I heard it on Triple J yesterday, and the media is never wrong). For the moment, I'll just keep bopping along to IBYLGOTD, "When The Sun Goes Down" (formerly known as "Skummy"), and "Fake Tales Of San Francisco

Franz Concert

2006-02-02T09:42:00.000+11:00

Ok, they're about as clear as mud, but these are some pictures from the Franz Concert, which i saw on 24.1.06. They are a fantastic live act, and i loved the show. I'm kinda peeved i didn't get to go to Big Day Out when i could have seen them again and a few others that i wanted to see (White Stripes being one example). But, Ce La Vis.

Using that one gift voucher from 2005

2006-01-28T01:13:00.000+11:00

Most people hate getting them. That useless item to show that the person couldn't think of anything to buy them. But, for some reason, people always seem to find that one trinket i don't need. And i want them, damnit; i want to be given gift vouchers.

Anyways, i got one for christmas last year, a $30 voucher for dymocks. Now, its not that i don't read books. Its just that, during the year, i read the odd magazine, all the books i got for xmas, and stuff for uni (continually). So, i go for the humour books. And, i think i got some winners this year.

"How To Insult Your Hosts In Many Languages" is a book no travelling person should be without. Including such useful insults as "Rigolo comme un chapeau plein de culs" (As funny as a hatful of arseholes) and "Li penso sono molto coraggioso mostrare la vostra faccia in pubblico senza un sacco di carta per coprirlo" (I think you're very brave to show your face in public without a paper bag to cover it), not to mention the always useful "Lager wie eine Zeltreihe" (Camp as a row of tents), "Chupa pollas" (cocksucker), and "Wichser" (Wanker), the book covers as many insults as you can possibly imagine in French, German, Italian and Spanish. It also contains some basic insults for English speaking countries, and a random assortment of insults from other languages. I've laughed so hard all ready, and i'm only on page 10.

"I hate myself and want to die" lists the 52 most depressing songs, ever. Pretty self explanitory, huh? I'm not quite sure why i was compelled to purchase this book, but something about the depressed bunny on the front has a drawing factor to it. It has some very funny pieces in it, actually. But, who knows why i need to have it.

So, there, how i spent my one gift voucher of 2005. I'm not quite sure why people don't give them to me. I would prefer them to the usual gifts, especially clothing. Why do people buy clothing as gifts? Working in retail, i take at least 1 a day as a return because the gift was the wrong size, or colour, of the person just plain didn't like it. HELLO! Don't buy them clothing, but them a gift voucher so they can get what they want!

And i'm back (almost)

2006-01-25T23:28:00.000+11:00

Sorry for the prolonged lack of writing (bar that short bit about the pythons, which wasn't quite the tome i planned it to be) but work has been a big demand on my life of late, and it's sucking up all my time and inspiration. And you don't want to hear me "dissing" David Jones entry after entry. I'll try to write more when I have more time and am not working 6 day weeks.

Thirty years of film gold

2006-01-20T00:28:00.000+11:00

It recently came to my attention that this year (or last year, depending on when it was released where you are) marks 30 years since one of the world's greatest films. No, I'm not discussing the likes of Jaws, Rocky or Taxi Driver, all mammoth releases in 1976. I am refering to the one, and only, Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Just Dandy...

2006-01-08T22:02:00.000+11:00

So, I went to see The Dandy Warhols last night. One of the greatest bands in the world. The mood was great. The merchandise left much to be desired, but then what do you expect?

I found it vaugely interesting that Zia was wearing a Brian Jonestown Massacre t-shirt, and had a sticker for the same band on her synthesiser.

Playlist wise, they covered all the hits, Bohemian Like You, Godless, Boys Better, Not If You Were The Last Junkie On Earth, We Used To Be Friends, etc, plus a few from the new album.

The support act was interesting, tho. The Morning After Girls. They left most of the audience (well, me at least) wondering just how much they copied The Dandys in their music. Anyways, i've put in all of my pictures from my phone. Note, I think Zia was waving in my general direction, but it may or may not have been at me.

Sigh, i've become a tragic...

2006-01-03T23:39:00.000+11:00

What do you do when you have more money than sence? You buy the Buffy boxed set and spend days watching it, episode after episode.

So far, i've relived the magic of seasons 1 and 2, and noticed all the little flaws with Joss Whedon's fantastic show. Don't get me wrong, he has a brilliant show. I love the charaters, the strong female lead, the humour, the majority of the story lines, etc. But, his vampires are wrong, all wrong. Unfortunately, i'm drawing from an article i can no longer locate, so i don't expect you to completely believe me, but try:

Vampires are not destroyed by sunlight. They are weakened, don't have super strength, etc, but they do not burst into flames.
Vampires cannot walk on concecrated ground. Places like a church. Interesting, therefore, that several of the scenes are in churches.
Vampires do not breathe. How, therefore, can they smoke? And, even if they did, what would they get out of it?

I shan't go on, it gets more boring from there, but, i think i've almost started to prove my point.

An Xmas-free post

2005-12-19T23:39:00.000+11:00

Sick of the season to be jolly? So am i. So, here is an non-xmas related thought:

Why do we need to pay the RTA (or relavent roads board) so much money? I need a piece of plastic to allow me to drive a car, and that costs about $100 each time, i need to pay to be allowed to drive, i need to pay for fuel and other running costs, i need to pay for Comprehensive Insurance AND CTP, i need to pay for someone to tell me that my car can be driven..... It's just a black hole of money.

Dickens re-wrote his book with me as the title character

2005-12-16T00:58:00.000+11:00

Bah Humbug.

When I was young, I loved Christmas. The gifts, seeing all the family, the gifts, chocolate, the gifts, the tree... did I mention the gifts?

Two years of retail experience have now successfully made Christmas my most hated time of the year. Why?

Because I can never find anywhere to park to go to work.
Because people show their utter stupidity when shopping.
Because customers come forward and say rediculous things like "What do I get the man who has everything?".
Because when you finally get to go on a break to go shopping yourself, it's when everyone else is also on their breaks doing the same thing.
Because you get one day in seven off, and only because that's a legal requirement.
Because the rest of the time, you are working obscure hours, and then staying back late (like finishing at 9pm not 3pm)
Because you have to be there even when the customers aren't because the store is open - I worked from 6-9 on Wednesday without doing a single sale. There was no-one to serve, at all. Customers, I don't think, knew we were open.

Is that good enough reason for you? And if another person says "But think of the money", they may well be strangled to death.
Bah Humbug, everyone

Leave it as what you do just before you start the lawnmover

2005-12-06T14:09:00.000+11:00

On the advice of a friend, I saw Prime today. I love a good romantic comedy. My two favourite films of the genre of late have been Lawless Heart (which was very arthousy) and Love Actually. At the other end of the spectrum, i also saw Hitch. Codswallop, from go to whoa.

The thing i find about romantic comedies is i love them when there is some breakdown in relationship and there can be no return to status quo. This film went halfway there, and gets a tick.

On the other hand, i have to go through the range of emotions in the film, as i mentioned when i saw Corpse Bride. This film did not bring me anywhere near tears. I felt the performances were stilted and wooden. Meryl Streep wasn't quite believable as the Jewish psychotherapist. She was more Madonna jewish, and i was expecting a little Lillith (from Fraser) jewish. And, at the beginning, with Uma Thurman cried, i was more inclined to cry "Get over it!" then cry along.

The ending was also too neat. There was no signs of a breakup - everyone was happy. Oh, and, the film ended in an anonymous season; but the time lapse gave us 'one year later' and it was the dead of winter. Go figure.

The minority representation in the film was good. The token black doorman was good, though the token gay friends were overacted. I do love a good stereotype (not), but these guys really pushed the boundaries as to how much we can sound like Carson.

Overall, i can't quite decide how much i liked the film. There were the odd funny scenes, but it seemed to struggle to keep movement in my opinion. Certainly, at the halfway mark i was seeking an ending. In fact, i checked my watch expecting 5 minutes to go, not 55.

Two Stars

Graduation Ceremonies

2005-12-01T11:12:00.000+11:00

In my continuing series of End-Of-Year events, my brother's Year 10 Graduation Ceremony was today. This marked my 20th graduation ceremony attendance in 9 years. I, therefore, feel I have some authority to comment on the matter and form a ranking. This one ranks 19th place out of 20. Yes, it was that good.

I shan't burden you with specific details, but rather comment on the fact that I have never seen less animate speakers (being the teachers), a worse powerpoint presentation (photos were only up for a few moments and not long enough to recognise who was in it, plus EVERY frame was animated), a more mediocre presentation method, or a worse religious paraliturgy to lead off with. The only case that beat this one had the addition of misbehaving graduants, absent guests of honour, and complete breakdown in the presentation method.

One Star

Christmas Parties

2005-11-30T23:50:00.000+11:00

You know the silly season is in full swing when you attend the workplace christmas party. I decided to overcome my boycott of the last two occasions and attend the David Jones Bankstown party, held at Revesby Workers. Having now seen a work christmas do first hand, i now have a few suggestions to make for all you others.

1) Don't get drunk - dancing on the table is out of the question, especially when all your various managers are there to watch you do it, and they're not cheering with the rest of the crowd. Thankfully, the alcoholic wasn't invited this year, she was last seen shoveling chicken legs into her handbag last year.

2) Whoever choses the music should be careful - this year's selector is in her early twenties, so she selected a range of R&B (*shudder*) and House to play for dancing. Which is fine for the ten of us there under the age of 30. The remainder of the party, being somewhat older, objected to the music and to the volume it was played at. Remember, people, please the masses!

3) Do the lucky door prize before people go home - there is nothing worse than calling for Red-Star-B-36 and having a silence across the room for 5 minutes.

4) Offer prizes people want - rather than the same old bottles of Brut that you've been trying to move for the last year BECAUSE THEY TASTE AWFUL.

I could go on, but i think i've ear-bashed enough for the moment. I look forward to going again next year.

A Tale of two Grimms

2005-11-29T22:31:00.000+11:00

I am a great fan on the Pythons. Classic British Comedy at its best. Michael, John, Graham, Eric, and the two Terrys worked magic in their shows, as well as the four feature-length films (nothing beats Holy Grail). Terry Gilliam stemmed from this into his own mad world of film making, and, now into his 70s, has released The Brothers Grimm. Interestingly enough, this tale is about the brothers Grimm, famous for their haunting childrens tales about straying into the forest.

Gilliam does well with this story. He manages to craft together the real brothers into a haunting tome where they become exposed to, and a part of, the real-life fairy tales. Fantastic setting and music, working both incidentally and pleonastically with the tales, help develop the story to a higher level. His ability to integrate so many elements of their various stories, too, works to his advantage, and we find ourselves taking a trip down memory lane, and then realising just how horrifying the original stories actually are.

Unfortunately, his choice of casting for this film is, well, not to my approval. Matt Damon was never able to count me amongst his fan base, and has failed to recover, in my mind at least, from Trey Parker and Matt Stone's fantastic puppet version of him in Team America: World Police. Heath Ledger, on the other hand, just sucks in everything. Need I mention that film about knights? In the trailors, I got a view of another film he's got coming out soon - Casanova. That, plus Brokeback Mountain, which I am somewhat hessitant to see due to the fact that I can see him as many things, but gay is not one. But, I digress...

For those of you who have seen other works by Terry G, especially Time Bandits, parallels are easily drawn. Of course, more modern techniques are used, but there is one cringe-worthy moment when a green screen was apparently used and the integration into the film was quite poor. Elsewise, the remainder of the cast are brilliant, the graphics supurb, and the story was most enjoyable. It may not be one I rush to buy off the new-release shelves, but when I find it in a bargin bin, I may well add it to the collection.

Three Stars

Next Time - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (yes, I know, bah, but I still want to see how much more they can ruin the books for me)

My Latest Fad

2005-11-27T00:17:00.000+11:00

Yeah, we all have one. Something that we do because it is fashionable for the moment.
This is my latest fad:

Nation States: Nowaktoria

Enjoy!

The Silly Season Cometh

2005-11-24T11:31:00.000+11:00

Ah, the last full week in November. The week after my birthday. The first full week of Uni holidays. And, oh yes, the end of the ratings period.

There's nothing quite like the end of the ratings period to make you realise that:

all those shows you've taken for granted and watched on a whim aren't going to be there
all those movies which looked like losers at the box office are set to be shown
those shows which the networks have mucked around with for the last 9 months with are never going to be finished.

So, as the re-runs re-appear, and we return to that array of left-overs that never-got-finished-being-shown because they were crap - most of the Australian drama with things like Last Man Standing (may I have my 8 cents a day back please?), any old episodes of series that were 'missed', etc - just remember: We only have to wait until February for the usual suspects to come back. In the meantime, busy yourself downloading your favourite shows from the net, reading transcripts of the shows, acting the shows out with your family (that can be fun!), buying the shows on DVD, or reading this article about why the networks think they are doing us a favour:

Sam Chisholm Reponds: What, me worry?

or, perhaps, this article, which just goes to prove how incompetant the people in the scheduling department are:

Nine's Latest Embarrassment

"We don't treat the viewers with contempt, in fact the opposite. I agree that people do, you know, this is because we have a measurement system, stations do try and gain the system. You've got a high rating program, you find it runs over, so the stations will try and do that. But that's all part of the game. But there's no evidence that it irritates viewers, because they watch the entire program. The more they can get the better. There are benchmarks when you do take the station to time which is where you start the news but during the course of the evening there may be variation. We advertise those." - Sam Chisholm, Channel 9

Please leave your dignity at the door

2005-11-22T23:29:00.000+11:00

There is nothing quite so humiliating as standing in line at Centrelink. Don't believe me? Well, you spend an hour in line, waiting to speak to someone.

Sure, there is nothing wrong with what I was claiming - I am entitled to get Youth Allowance.
I wasn't dressed in a daggy way, I wasn't drunk, loud, high, or anything like that.
I was a man, standing in line, waiting to claim something which is my right to claim.

However, the mere fact that you stand in a large room, with those people who don't work, with the obviously drunk or destitute, with the colourblind (well, to wear some of those outfits, you'd have to be), and with the other assortment of colourful life from the suburbs, and you think to yourself "Everyone is looking at me, everyone is pondering what I am doing here".

Thankfully, the feeling had died down somewhat by the time I went back today to finish handing over documentation, such as proof that I left high school (how many 20 year olds who attend uni full time do you know are still at high school?). But, you still get it. I challenge anybody to tell me they walked into Centrelink with their head held high, and walked out an hour and a half later feeling the same.

The reason I love Tuesdays

2005-11-22T23:13:00.000+11:00

There's nothing quite like a Tuesday to make you realise the week is still young, and there is so much still to be done. The brilliant folk at Hoyts and Greater Union had this great idea some time ago - no body goes to the cinema on Tuesday, because they are all still at work. Lots of people get Mondayitis, or have an early weekend and take Fridays off. By Wednesday, the population might take a mid-week break, or have a Thursday off so as to make it through Friday. But, Tuesday is the most unpopular day to have off, so let's make it cheap to see a film on those days.

To these people, I extend my thanks.

Today's delight was Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. A fractured tale about arranged marriages, Victorian life, and the underworld marrying the living. Sound like your usual Tim Burton film? The usual suspects return - Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Albert Finney... You begin to wonder whether Tim owes these people money and is paying them back by giving them roles in his films. Well, except for Helena, who gets cast because he feels sorry that no-one else will employ his wife.

In the film, Victor and Victoria, two persons of a marrying age from the Victorian period, are arranged to be married. They meet by chance, and begin to fall in love, but Victor's inability to learn his vows by heart learn to him being banished away. A moment of inspiration leaves him reciting the vows perfectly, before carelessly placing the ring on a branch - which turns out to be the hand of Emily, the corpse bride, awaiting her true love to do the very same. He is transported to the land of the dead, but wants to get back to his true love.

This is, of course, Tim's second film for the year, coming hot on the tail of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Which was, of course, brilliant also. The stop-motion work of is something which has always interested Tim, especially after The Nightmare Before Christmas (which, I'm ashamed to say, I haven't seen, but is sitting, ready to be watched, in my ever-expanding DVD collection). There are definite elements of other classics, such as Edward Scissorhands in this film, with the acceptance of an outsider, and realising true love. We are left wondering, at the conclusion of the film, whether Victor decided to marry Emily out of love or because he thought it would make him happy.

Overall, the film was very satisfactory - I don't feel like a film has worked unless I cry in the dying moments, and I did here.

Four-and-a-half Stars (out of 5)

Next trip to the cinema - The Brother's Grimm

I don't think we're in Kansas any more...

2005-11-21T22:31:00.000+11:00

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Here we are, at the forefront of an age of technological advancement, and every Tom, Dick and Harry is putting one of these up, complete with his (or her) little anecdotes, whines, or rants. And so, I thought, what better time to jump on the bandwagon, and join the millions of you out there who do this already.

So, why are we here today? This blog is going to be devoted to exactly what every other blog is about, with the crucial difference being that I wrote this one, and not one of the others. On this pages, you shall find my rants, comments, whines and anecdotes, as I take the topsy-turby trip through these summer holidays, and beyond. So, sit back, comment, and enjoy, because there's no going back now...